Dating 19 year old
Point taken but the point I'm making is that it's much less likely to be a level playing field emotionally between the two when the guy is 15-20 years older.
May-December attractions have their risks and downsides, but generally speaking, acquaintance rape isn't one of them.
Also the fact that he's from Scotland - for all she knows he could be married and just coming over here for a bit of action every now and then... That's when their age differences really show the most..the younger one esp. I WAG it is the older one's way of foolishly thinking one can escape a mid-life crisis in this fashion..to wake up one day with a total stranger when reality comes a-calling. The only upside of being middle-aged is that you can date women half your age and no one gets to say "boo" about it.
I would be interested to find out how much the 19 yr old mentioned in the OP's family know about her 'relationship' with your colleague. For such great age differences, I can't believe this is true beyond the superficial layer called lust (and/or gold digging)? From the age of 32 to 37, I dated a woman 17 years my senior. As long as nobody's breaking the law and everyone's having fun, I don't see a problem here.
My younger sister has a history of telling lies about who she's socialising with and what she gets up to when she goes out and despite numerous talks with her six older siblings (she's the youngest in the family) she can't seem to see the problem with this.
OK part of me says it's her life and she should do what she wants, and we can't lock her up because she's not a minor anymore, but I honestly do question the motivation of the average 35 year old man who wants to go out with a 19 yr old.
It's hard to conceptualize that a woman your age would have two teenage kids, or be driving a minivan.
It's just particularly unusual to go from dating a grandmother to dating a teenager (unless you're Woody Allen). It may not technically be against the rules, but does he really want to be known as "that creepy prof who sleazes on students"? I've never been married, so parts of my life are in an arrested stage of development.
I think part of my revulsion is being gay: middle aged gay guys (and for the purposes of this I'll count myself [I'm 37] as middle aged) who go after teens (I'm not talking ephebophiles, but 18 ) are pretty much universally reviled as "chicken hawks"- it's fine to look but touching is another matter. I've got the material belongings and maybe the maturity of somebody in their 30s, but because I never got married or had children, my social life resembles someone who is just out of college.
The tricky thing to being a never married single guy in your 30s is that you may think a woman who is actually in your age group is much older ...
not that she looks like she's in her 50s, but just too old for you.
I'm curious to see what others think: if you had friends in this type of relationship, would you think "She's a BABY! My parents had an 18 year age difference (she was 16 and he was 34 when they married [and he was her high-school teacher]- this was rural Alabama in the early 1950s when that wasn't so scandalous) and the marriage lasted for 30 years. (It wasn't a happy union, it's just that its unhappiness got tenure.) How much of my parents' unhappiness was based in the age difference I don't know, but I can't shake the feeling that when a guy goes after a gal half-his-age, however else he may justify it the lust for firm young flesh is high on the list of REAL motivations (not to say that he can't be intellectually attracted as well). Maybe you would do well to adopt my motto: I don't care WHAT you do, as long as you don't do it to me. at a small Liberal Arts College in New England, I'll say this. On the other hand, this does seem a bit icky to me. Before I started dating men twenty years older than me, I dated men the same age as myself, and one much younger.